1 Simple Tip to Help You Stop Yelling

We all know I am a YELLER! I admit it loud and clear. That doesn’t mean I like it and it doesn’t mean I am not always trying to make the change to stop yelling.

The thing that constantly gets me, is that I should know better. I was a teacher for 12 years in the classroom, and took care of children that were not my own. Yelling was not my go to tactic, yet in my home I let it overtake me. Lately, I have been wondering what was different. What tips could I try from my teacher training that might just help me stop yelling at my kids in my own home?

That is when I remembered this one simple tip that I used daily in my classroom. In fact, if I didn’t try this first, I was usually unsuccessful at changing a child’s desired behaviors.

When I think of the reasons I yell in my home, I can usually narrow the reasons down to just a few triggers…

The kids are arguing.
The kids aren’t doing what I asked them to.
The kids aren’t listening.
The kids are being too loud.
The kids are being too rambunctious.

The kids… the kids… the kids…

Do you see the problem with those statements like I do?  The focus is on the kids. The focus is on what the kids are doing that I don’t like. Where am I in this scenario? What am I doing? How am I involved in what is going in?

The answer. I am usually not close to them. I am usually busy in the kitchen, on the phone, on the other side of the other room, on the couch, with the baby… you name it… I am not near them. In the classroom, that would never fly. I could never expect the children to manage their own behaviors if I was nowhere near them. I would never expect them to hear my requests from the other side of the classroom.

If the children in my classroom started to get too loud, too busy, or too angry… I wouldn’t sit at my desk and yell across the room at them to settle down.

NO! I would get CLOSER!!!!!

I would walk over to the children needing my assistance. I would quietly place my hand on their shoulder or their back. I would bend down and speak to them in a kind and respectful tone.

I would tell them what I need from them and give them suggestions for how to change their behavior. This simple tip worked 90% of the time. How had I forgotten this simple tip?

For the last week, I have been trying this out. Instead of repeating myself over and over again, instead of yelling across the room, and instead of putting the blame on the children… I have been moving closer.

When the kids start to get ramped up, instead of yelling from across the room to settle down…I get closer.

When the kids are starting to argue, instead of yelling above their voices to get along… I get closer.

When the kids are ignoring my requests, instead of yelling my request louder… I get closer.

I get closer.

I make sure they hear me. I make sure I am helping them through their problems. I make sure I am there for them.

Guess what?

90% of the time this has worked for me. When I remember to use this simple tip first, chances are the yelling doesn’t happen. Chances are, I can keep the peace in our home and not let things spiral out of control.

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