Gentle Leader!

It's the same debate. Over and over and over again. Whenever we are discussing gentle, respectful parenting, those who misunderstand our philosophy always say the same things.

"Kids need rules!"

"You can't let them run the house!"

"You have to discipline kids!"

Why is it automatically assumed that if we are not tyrannical, we are not in authority?

Why does the position of authority have to come with arrogance? With punishment? With belligerence? With a heavy hand?

There is no question that children need guidance, leadership, rules, and direction, but I do question the effectiveness and the consequences of the iron fist.

This doesn't mean relinquishing our parental authority but rather redefining it. We can be kind without yielding. We can be strong without harshness. We can be confident without arrogance. It's not an either/or deal; either you rule with an iron fist or you're permissive. There is a whole gray area that is just and fair, respectful and civil, gentle and soft-spoken while at the same time being firm, having high expectations and setting clear rules. In the gray area is where positive parenting lies.

We are gentle leaders, but we are leaders nonetheless.